I Got Skills, Yo

Bubba: Ooooooh THAT was righteous!

Poo: *gags* Open a window MoM!!

Bubba: …and that was just the beginning. Don’t do it, MoM! He did me dirty the other day!

Poo: …can’t…breathe…must…have…air…*passes out*

Mom: What? Seriously, I don’t smell anything

Poo: You can’t smell that?

Mom: I thought you passed out?

Poo: Doh! *re-passes out*

Bubba: Wait, wait, wait….*fans his face*

Mom: Roll’em down

Bubba: I got mad skills

Mom: You need to go home and shovel your shorts out

Poo: *mumbles* Is it safe to breathe?

Mom: Not unless you want your nose hairs permanently scorched

Poo: *re-passes out, giggling*

Bubba: I just can’t stop…Ooops I did it again…Oooooooooh that burned…

Mom: Dear Gawd, child, what did your father give you to eat?

Bubba: I don’t know, he just gave me his skills. I so rock.

Mom: Wait, did you just say your father gave you these skills?

Bubba: Yeah, duh

Mom: Your father?

Bubba: The one and only….Ooooh that one… whew!

Poo: …can’t…breathe…

Mom: You didn’t get your skills from your father. That man no more knows how to fart and admit to said flatulence than Brittney Spears knows how to sing. *rolls window back up…locks them*

Poo: Burn…

Bubba: *laughs like a little girl* If that’s the case then where do I get it from them?

Poo: It’s farts, it’s not like there’s a fart gene or something

Mom: I beg to differ with you, my son

Poo: What?

Mom: The Gene of Flatulantery is handed down in our family.

Bubba: Wha?

Mom: I’m not kidding. You’re great great great grandfather Chief Blows from Butt was well known for his achievements. Taught his wife, everything he knew.

Bubba: Mooom! You’re pullin my leg

Mom: No, no actually, I’m pulling your finger. But I speak the truth my young son. Your grandfather was able to actually levitate furniture and conjure up great magic when he used his skill. Herds of pink elephants used to roam under the dining room table. Your grandmother even was known for utilizing her skill when refinishing wooden chairs, oh what a shine. You’re uncle Charlie, man… he could light a match and start a bon fire just…like…that…*wipes tear away* Oh oh oh Your uncle Garin, he was the master. He got his skill from the chief’s wife, Pulls my Finger. Your cousins, they’re honing their skills too, so you have a lot to learn, kids.

Bubba: You are so full of it, mom, funny but full of it.

Mom: It’s the truth! Where do you think you got your skill from? And if you mention your father again, I’ma slap you. His side of the family are too prudish when it comes to Flatulence.

Poo: You?

Mom: You got it! I’m not without my own mad skills, yo

Bubba: Right…

Mom: Think what you will, but one day you will thank me for all that I have taught you.

Time passes as the last few miles go by, children are both quiet and then…

Poo: Trevor! OH! That was just…Oooh! *covers mouth, puts jacket over his head*

Bubba: What? I didn’t do anything. Oooh that wasn’t me, I swear! Oooooh wow….My eyes are crying, Jack you are just nasty!

Poo: Wasn’t me! Roll the window down, I can’t breathe

Bubba: I can’t, it’s locked… *cough*

Poo & Bubba: Mooooooom!

Mom: Told you I got skills *pulls into the drive way….children open doors and fallout, gasping for air*

Bubba: *cough*

Poo: *unresponsive*

Mom: *walks around the car smirking* I got the Silent but deadly gene

Poo & Bubba: We are not worthy…We’re not worthy