Red

The big bad wolf, remember him? He was the menacing and cunning young wolf that followed Red through the forest all the while befriending her in order to gain information just so he could eat her. Brothers Grimm did a great job, really they did. Other adaptations written later by several authors did it some justice but the message remained the same. The wolf was a cad and between the lines was a vivid lesson to be learned.

Let's set the scene.

Here we have Red, wanting to get to Grandma's house in order to give the ailing woman some goodies in hopes to cheer her up. Lil' Red, being that she's barely out of her own yard, is inundated by the fact that the forest is scary and hides many a danger. It doesn't take long until she is seen by our villain, the Big Bad Wolf and almost immediately he senses her naïveté and takes advantage of the situation in order to procure a 'meal'.

Light conversation here and there, Red begins to loosen up and talk quite a bit, revealing just a little too much to our disguised villain. Enticed even more, the Wolf offers his assistance, trying to be nice and set the scene to gain her trust; while doing so he never once revealed his true intention. The Wolf then suggests that she pick some flowers as a distraction and placing even more sweet thoughts in her head about the stranger she encountered as he whisks himself to Grandma's house so to clear the way for her arrival in hopes he can have her all to himself without any distractions.

Arrived did he, tussle and tossle, Grandma became his snack…

Whatever happened to Grandma anyway? Was she really eaten whole? I sincerely doubt it to be honest. So I imagined the bitty sitting by the pool side sipping her martini and eating fresh strawberries with hellatious cream and sugar to dip them in when the knock came from the door by our Big Bad Wolf. Since she barely had anything on but her swimsuit, robe and high heeled fuzzy slippers, the Wolf immediately became intrigued by the older woman. Now we can't blame old


Grandma, now can we? Young and wild knocking on her door after all these years since Grandpa went away, the woman must have been throwing out some major pheromones as she invited him in.

I'm sure the morning went well, both satisfied but the thought of Red coming made our Wolf uneasy. Sweet talking Grandma, who is sure she found her youth again takes his suggestion, as she accepts the $50 he slipped her, that the he sleep and gain back his energy while she goes into town to shop since she obviously felt better. Watching her drive away, he senses Red and hurries and scammers to find a disguise just before she knocks upon the door.

"Grandma! It's Red, can I come in?" she exclaims after several knocks on the door with no return.

Shoving himself into ruffles, a shower cap and sheets that smelled like sex the Wolf shouts for her to come in. "Grandma? You're voice is so rough, I'm so glad I got here in time, I have some goodies for you to make you feel better" as she pushed her way through not one but several to get to her bedroom door.

Along the way, the flamed haired little lady noticed clothes scattered about the floor including two empty martini glasses and plaid boxer shorts precariously dangling from a picture of Grandpa hanging crooked on the wall. Eye brow went up as curiosity peaked she wondered just what in the world Grandma was up to. Sitting next to the bed, Red tried with several attempts to get the covers lowered from Grandma's face. After almost giving up, Red slipped her hand into her basket and pulled out a piping hot muffin, pretending to devour the morsel herself. Not so much to her surprise, the covers fell down in temptation but the sight she looked upon rendered her in terror.

"Oh Grandma! What big eyes you have!" exclaimed the flame haired vixen.

"Better to see you with, my dear" said the big bad wolf as he licked his lips and groped himself under the covers…

Calming down a bit, Red saw through the rouse as she recognized the Wolf who so tame, obliging and gentle back in the forest. Sensing that he took advantage of her being naïve and not to mention her grandmother, she decided to play along just long enough to uncover, embarrass and teach Wolf a lesson.

"Oh Grandma! What are you doing under the sheets, do you have an itch since you can not stop moving?" Red said with almost a giggle "I'll get you something to sooth that." as she rushed into the bathroom. Poking about in Grandma's cupboards she finally found what she was looking for and returned with much haste. "Here let me sprinkle this on you" sitting back down on her stool.

"Oh dear me" the Wolf croaked as the idea of Red touching something that was obviously in the way made him uneasy. Stuttering, he begged her to cease and desist promising he could do that himself after a bit. Defeated, Red put down the powder and proceeded to decloak herself, placing the red hooded cape over the end of the bed. In doing so, the Wolf's problem under the sheets became more evident as Red bent over just a little bit too much in her attempt to get more of a rise out of him.

"Oh Grandma! You need a bib or something because you are foaming at the mouth, not to mention your breath stinks! What in the world have you been eating?" she chided as she sat back down on the stool, leaving her legs uncrossed. Her plan was working and she was proud of herself in her attempt to unmask the Wolf.

"No no no" stuttered the wolf even more as he could hardly contain himself any longer. "The cappuccino machine gave me too much foam and it keeps coming back up on me. I'll be ok, dear, I promise." He lied, lied, lied ! through his teeth and it became even more clear that he couldn't keep the plan a foot much longer. "Maybe, if you gave me something to drink, I'd be better"

Red, leaning forward a bit to lift herself from the stool, went to fetch 'Grandma' a sip as asked but stated on the way out the bedroom door that she would bring her her toothbrush and paste in hopes it would get the taste out of her mouth. As she came back, she couldn't help but gasp in disgust as Grandma was 'scratching' herself in up most speed and need. Caught he was, the Wolf jumped out of bed in claims that he couldn't keep up the disguise since Red turned out to be a tease and chased her around the room. Little Red, even though her intent was grand and with well intent, found herself in a situation she couldn't get herself out of.

Screaching blood curdling wails could be heard throughout the country side as the pursuit continued through the afternoon. Finally, someone brave enough to help poor Red's plight took it upon himself and with one shot, castrated the once Big Bad Wolf and left him crying on the floor for forgiveness. Whisked away by her savior, who was nothing but a hunter himself, Red was relieved to be rid of this menace and happy he was finally taught a lesson. Little did she know that she became the hunted herself as the very man who saved her was nothing more than a wolf in sheep's clothing.

So there you have it. Red in all her glory, the Wolf in all his afterthought and Grandma in all her afterglow tied up in the closet with nothing on but Grandpa's silk ties in a scene that was cut and fell upon the cutting room floor.

I dare say, but what is the moral of this story? Whether intended or not, the Brothers Grimm wrote a story to be handed down through the ages and has become a harsh morality tale warning women of the advances of men and becoming victims of well rehearsed intent. We see Red as the young woman almost eaten alive by a more experienced and devious foe. Grandma herself fell victim as well when encountered by the same line over and over and over again. Some take the bait and regret befalls them later, some wise up quickly to unmask those who prey. The Wolf himself was not entirely defeated since he got what he wanted but replaced by a more cunning adversary, the hunter.

So story told, story revealed, I say to all "Reds" to be weary of all the "Wolves" in hopes that they will not become a victim of their intentions. Wise up and take haste of this lesson and maybe the friendships later in life even with the Three Little Pigs won't fall to regret.

Have a nice day, ladies…