I hate you

Anyone remember being "young"?

Young as in carefree, silly, naive and it was oook?

Young as in rebellious, obnoxious and a little stinky?

Does anyone remember wanting to divorce your parents because they made you do the unthinkable like clean your room, do the chores and omg! wash behind your ears?

I remember as if it was yesterday....

I worked in a sweatshop for a measely $1 allowance. Homework had to be done before I got to play with friends, of course that's IF I was allowed to have friends. What I'm referring to there is the grueling 12 hour barrage of questions thrown at me about who they were, where they came from and if they had any sort of mental or criminal history in their family since the dawn of time. Forget going to parties or social functions if it just happened to fall on a Monday through Sunday because I had to be in bed by 8 and the next day might have been a school day. I was forced to eat what was on my plate even those things they described as good for me because supposedly it helped me grow strong and tall not to mention all those children in some poor country starving and would have gladly eaten what she so graciously gave me and I should be grateful. Right? Am I right, hmm hmm hmmmm? Then I stomped to my bedroom in defiance, all the while mumbling inaudible curses of I hate you then slammed the door, fell onto my bed and cried myself to sleep...just because it was soo unfair.

See...my mom had this plan from the day I was born... To ruined my life, right? Made me learn and retain knowledge, be self sufficiant and healthy...Damn her.

*invisible slap upside the head* WHAT? What I say? I didn't say nothin??

Yeah I remember those days...and I also remember saying that I would NEVER be the parent my parent was. I was going to be cool and all the kids would love to crash at Mom's house and...and...I totally screwed that one up.

What I percieved my childhood to be like was dramatic to say the least. When we're younger, everything was 1000x more intense with hormones raging and the presence of body hair popping up out of nowhere and even though I had some of the most obnoxious temper tantrums, I was still a pretty good kid due to how Mom brought me up. No I didn't work in a sweatshop but I did have to pick up my own smelly clothes and put them near the washer (turned right side out and seperated, mind you). Our front door was like a revolving gateway of either my friends or my brother's wanting to hang and just happen to be there when dinner was ready and those things that were so good for us, well...I still question that considering I'm not much taller than I was in 5th grade. So as long as I didn't have a potty mouth, home by the time the street lights came on and there were As on the report card, Mom was cool.

Now I find myself in the same position. I've got 2 obnoxious kids that refuse to eat vegetables and if I saw their clothes by the washer, I'd have thought something was amiss... I've more than once declared martial law and entertained the idea of removing the bedroom door all together if it meant that it wouldn't be slammed ever again. And I've have, sad to say...chanted the curse sooo many other moms have, including my own, on several occasions.

Just wait til you have children of your own and I hope they're just like you!

Unfortunately, I have this feeling that a mutiny is about to befall my steadfast defenses and my children will r e b e l against me. I've already had problems arise that deserved my attention and discipline and I will admit, I found myself thinking that I was overly harsh and just like my mom...when I was younger and immature.

Oh whatever, I obviously didn't have a clue and I don't ever remember my mom doing what I had to do but it could be that memory loss thing that I duely suffered from having my ears boxed too many times...or was that my brother's noogy that caused the brain damage, I don't know but being a mom isn't always going to go as planned or predicted, and it's not entirely all fun and games. I fear my children will grow older and view their childhood as something loathesome and it will be all my fault. Boy do they have a lot to learn...

Or maybe it was caused by the residual effects from the bar of soap my son had to use to wash his mouth out... Either way, he hates me...for now. Damn kids.

Don't EVER let me do this again!!

WHAT IS THAT YOU SAY???

Let me set the scene for ya....I'm sick, a little tired and pensive but wanting to clean up the house right? Watch a little movie while I do it right? "Halloween" isn't so horrible right?

WHAT THE FU*K WAS I THINKING!!!

I didn't move from the same damn spot the entire time. I was still holding the couch cushion slip cover (yeah I was cleaning remember) and low and behold the mailman delivered a box to the wrong house...shadow cast through the window, Micheal Myers did his thing, dog barked, I jumped and

SCREAMED MY FOOL HEAD OFF!!! (and pissed my pants)


Omg!!

OMFG!!

A History Lesson

As my boisterous children rushed out to spend the evening with their father, I closed the door and retreated into a darkened room to be alone with my thoughts. Maybe I reminisce all too much. Maybe I'm hanging on to a life that I need to be familiar still and maybe I'm falling prey to the weak minded and…I dare not say. A half a box of tissue and 2 hours later, I'm no closer to finding a solution to the bevy of questions I keep asking. I just...I just keep hearing myself cry out but refusing to listen to the answers I already knew. Up till now, my life has been this open book but I'm finding that I am subconsciously rewriting the events that led me to this purgatory. For what reason, I don't know. Self pity no less…

On many occasions lately, I've found myself sitting in these shadows pondering about how life would have been if this or that had been played out differently. Had I gone left, would this have been so tricky or had I taken a right turn, would things have been a bit better for my family? Would I have even had my family had it not been for what most people refuse to believe in? Fact is, Fate has a funny way of slipping in unbeknownst to the oblivious. Had I chose not to do something, my life would have been changed forever.

One night in particular was August 17th, 1995 and on that day, my feet were firmly planted in the littered main streets in downtown hometown partaking in the annual festival that had become more monotonous the older I got. The rides were silly, the smells were nauseating, I no longer had the locker to display the etched mirrors won from the dart game and the people that passed me by were quickly becoming strangers. It had been 7 years since graduating from that small town, 7 years away discovering what life was like on my own.

I went with an old friend. Best friend to be exact. We had been close since grade school, cried together, laughed at and with each other and parted in a way I don't recall. Did we even say good bye? I believe we just drifted apart… a not so fitting end if you could call it that for we never really did said good bye to a bond that had lasted 15 years. We met up, caught up on old times, the new things going on in our lives and the things that never really changed and at one point I remember her saying "Wouldn't it be crazy if we saw Him here?"

I smiled and smirked "Him, yeah that would be" all the while I swallowed hard from some old feelings welling up from the pit of my stomach. Not sure if it was nerves, fear or that unknown thing but it was still fresh to me or at least something that never died away.

Then, as if by some cosmic bolt of Fate, the crowd gave way in either direction and there He was… I remember having to pick myself up off the ground for being so stunned that THAT could have happened right as my friend said what she had. It wasn't planned. It wasn't set up. It wasn't rehearsed. It just happened. To this day, I remember the shirt he wore, jean shorts and black sneakers and His grin…

Oh we took our time getting to know each other again in a little nook at the restaurant I used to work for. All tucked away in the corner, adults we were finally, candle light, conversation and that spark that never seemed to go away. I remember being told it was time to go, closing time, had it been that long that we talked? My friend excused herself to things unknown and Him and I walked on outside. I was nervous, my stomach jumped and my pulsed raced at the thought of what had happened just a few hours before not to mention what was to come considering neither one of us was ready to call it a night. Before I knew it, morning had come and I was in His arms. Things were fresh and new…For us, it was a beginning…again.

I remember...

Things were different back in school. It took years to get Him to just hold my hand, not that I didn't try my darnedest to get him to before that. I even became utterly oblivious to my surroundings as I walked into a stop sign because of my inability to not take my eyes off him as we walked home. I was in love. But what was love to a teenager? Were we even capable of such a thing at that age? By coincidence, that same best friend who had made that astounding declaration at the festival was the very person to bring us together years before.

"Do you like her?" Check yes or no…

"Yeah, she's alright" He scribbled.

"She likes you, want to go with her?" and the rest was history…

History…I chuckle even now. If it's anything we've learned it's that History repeats itself. Bell bottom pants, Tie Dye shirts, old boyfriends and war...do we ever learn our lesson? No. We're too stubborn and arrogant to admit defeat and life once again, goes on regardless of our own self destruction. We broke up and got back together I don't know how many times but after we graduated, our lives seemed to go in separate directions and me being the skeptical pessimist thought for sure it would have been the last I'd see of this man whom I gave my heart to on more than one occasion until...that 17th day of August, 1995.

It's now been 13 years, 1 wedding, and 2 children since that fateful day. 13 years we gave our lives to each other. 13 years later, here I am alone in the dark and daring to wonder what it would have been like had we not seen each other. Do I regret that night?

I chuckle once more in the shadows as I curled up in the chair with tissue in hand not even caring when the tears begin to fall. As I said before…history repeats itself.

I'm quickly reminded of one of my favorite movies, "It's a Wonderful Life". Poor George Bailey, in a rush of clouded judgment jumps from a bridge outside the little town of Bedford Falls in attempt to rid the world of his existence. Instead of drowning in his self pity, he's saved by Clarence, angel 1st class and cleverly taught some very hard lessons as to what his place was in this world and how the world would be completely different had he not been.

I would have like to have met Clarence but something tells me that I already know what my lessons would have been. I, too, sit in self pity as my lips taste salty tears. What would have been if we… I can't even continue. I don't want to. As I adjust my numb existence on the chair in the corner, I lifted my glasses to place them on the table next to me. On this table sat a small picture frame of 2 little boys with toothy grins and innocence…

A shaky finger slightly caressed each face as I shook the notion that regret had any place in my life and made my way back to my empty room. As I closed the door, I gazed upon the wall where a portrait of a time hung in silence. Blinking away hours of tears, I focused on the face of the man I fell in love with so many years before. If I could have reached out and felt of his face, it would have been instantaniously familiar as if it was just yesterday. Perhaps it was.

As each day that passes without Him here, I am reminded of just how vulnerable and so close to drowning I was. Self pity will be the death of me...if I let it. Like George Bailey, does the drastic HAVE to be what makes us see past our own selfish reasons? Do we have to be taught a history lesson to appreciate what we have in the here and now? Obviously and painfully so… But I will not, can not admit to regret. Even though I have found myself delving into these subconscious ideas that had I not been at that place at that time on that day, he would have been happier, I can not fathom what life would have been like had we not. Wishful thinking is not regret, but a longing and a want for someone that I love very much to have the best of what they deserve. If not me, than with another, yet I will never look back upon that fateful clear evening 13 years ago with anything but cherished sentiment or the lessons that seem to be repeating all too often until one day, I pray, we get it right.

I chuckle for the last time as I peer down upon the small black frame I still held with tired eyes and the memories flood in to temporarily wash away years of bitterness and pain within my weary soul. This was but just one reason why regret has no place in my life. Together, He and I made 2 beautiful lives and will forever be entwined no matter what path Fate has us travel down. In after thought, we've been through this before and with confidence, I believe we will again so I can either sit in alone in wonder and pity or I can go on with my life and hope that some fateful day in our future, history will unfold for us…as it had before. But until that time comes, I'll be a bit wiser, more appreciative to the lives that I touch and be very mindful of what I wish for. Wiping the last tear away, I place the picture frame on the headboard of the bed we shared. This room is not as empty as I once perceived it to be. The events accumulated in the last 2 decades has made for a harsh reality, no doubt but this reality is something that I would never change a moment of. I wouldn't have missed it for the world

My, how Time flies...

Run Baby RUN!

RUN baby RUN!

Please give me a break...or at least some caffiene

I'm trying my durnedest to customize this page without succumbing to the temptation of outside hacks or templates. Something tells me that I'm way in over my head but please do me a favor and try to ignore my noobness :D

Unless, of course, you have "THE" solution...

The Yearbook

I’m looking for this book for I know it’s here or there
Lost in thought, a chapter sought, a story I wish to share

It’s on a page but not the first, most certainly not the last
Written in time with ink so fine, a portal in to the past

With friendship key in hand, this book was locked up tight
Cast upon a dusty shelf to be read when time was right

Time…resting so quiet, time…resting in ages
Time gently overflowed, penned on picture pages

I know just how it goes, well the beginning anyways
Years before, before we swore, we’d be settled in our ways

It won’t be word for word for its been ten years and ten
So walk with me through the pages… Do you remember when?

Aha! I found the book, hidden right in sight so plain
My fingers fumble to grasp it tight from whence this book did came

I know there are chapters missing… My mind will never forget
Stories lost forever, torn by Tragedy and Regret

In the back, if memory serves, were pages left pristine
This was where we wrote our future in chapters yet unseen

So take this aged key that I’ve kept for twenty years
Take this book and cherish lives it's bound and held so dear

Now go unlock and reminisce, never forget the lines you’ve read
Like High School friends and sad good byes that were better left unsaid

The Rose

Eyes wide open, yet blind, the word "Forever" uttered
The rose of my reality grew in my glass garden

…Beautiful

Nourished with empty words, I held on for dear life
What did I hold but a delicate reflection of my veracity?

So fragile, with care I took. So fragile, I let it grow
Not to crush, suffocate, by words so sharp,

…Deafening

Heat of passion, cold as Ice, I am frozen in the very place I wish to run
Melting within myself, my rose begins to fade

With dissonant rays of disdain thrust upon it, my rose endured though faint, and weakened.
Lost in Labyrinth, I try run to my glass garden

…Consumed

Empty words of encouragement, feeding, it soaks in.
Starving, petals fall in spite, my rose wilts more

I stare, eyes wide shut, hand upon my breast
In Horror, my soul empty, my heart

…Breaking

I'm forced to see as I strain to hold a lie
This once beautiful rose, a mere illusion, manifestation

The smell once so sweet is now pungent,
Fingers crush, sickening, ugly

…Torture

The pain strikes me, a thorny existence cuts through my skin, a refusal to bleed,
It cuts deeper, I scream

Cracks become visible, tears fall over the dam of my consciousness
Do I dare begin to show release? I do not show pain, show my weakness.

…Drowning

Deserting beauty, pain, shatters; Like fragile glass and dies.
Here in this glass garden I view life, a scene more than reality.

Growing here, perfection, and I am far from perfect,
Far from belonging, far from deserving.

…Searching

Lost, in perfection, a world not of my own.
I reached out to hold, it shatters in my hand

I'm bleeding. I do not belong here.
Blackness fills my eyes. Waking up to

…Imperfection

Dull sun creeps, minutes, hours, years
In the hands of time, it was but yesterday.

In ruins, beauty rests hidden beneath cold glass
Nay untouchable, clarity

…Beckons

Moons ago, by my own admission it shattered, bleeding, these wounds they healed
I am too crippled to move, hindered by tightly bound repair

I stumble and fall, grasping to balance a once strong and formidable palace
Clenched within my hand, the scars they throb as I fall to my knees and beg

…Forgiveness

Grasping for answers, they hold pieces in pale flesh, they wound
Illusions upon the jagged edge reflection understanding

This glass garden, Beauty beheld
So fragile, so delicate yet starved to death by my own empty words

…Hungry

Truth shattered below me
Pieces fell, Pieces pierced, crashing in silence, a seed grounded

Almost impossible, scorching white rain thrust upon dust laden solace
Seeping, engorging, burning flesh and coven

…Rebirth

Flooded by tears my core is inundated, crouched in shadow
Protected by broken pain, the light of discovery glistens through webs of deceit

As I struggle to clear years of neglect, I flourish in darkness
Petals accepting a wounded touch, budding, lifting to be held

…Mellow

Chastised fingers grasp, burrowed deep within soil renewed
Roots take hold of withered soul, protected by contempt

Here, carefully watched with blind eye,
Hidden in plain sight, no one to gaze upon my inner

…Beauty

Verdant but weak, the vines of ‘morrow seek my heart
As tears flow red, bleeding, flushing, coming into its own

Nourished, softly spoken, my garden is alive amongst broken pane
If not a reflective reality, then promise of something beautiful

…Rose

The last 20 years...of being nothing short of sorta normal

As I left the mailbox and ripped open an envelop with a familiar address, I had become nervous and a little anxious at what I was about to read. It's wasn't like it was a notice from Publisher's Clearing House stating that I had won 10 million dollars and it wasn't like it were some obscure collector that wanted me to pay for the sins of my father's father but this letter made me jittery. What was it? Well, of all things, it was merely the questionnaire for my 20th high school reunion. Not just any set of questions, but ones, that when answered, would be printed and published for everyone to read; everyone that had graduated with me and whom I hadn't seen in 20 some odd years...

After I had ripped open the top, I dropped it on the table only to stare at it like it had cooties for 3 days. I've since gotten over my anxiety attack but still, it has taken me this long to just get the nerve gathered up enough to sit and answer the 20 questions about my life. I've mulled over what to say, which angle to take or if I should take one at all and just throw the paper way for 3rd or 4th time. First pen I used ran out of ink, was that an omen? Second pen gleefully scribbled absolutely...nothing. This time, I sat down at my computer and forced myself to write as if I had for any other post in my blog considering it made me more comfortable in the writing style I'm used to. But to be honest, I wasn't sure if I'm was going to send it along. I know there really isn't any wrong or right answers, just some hard truths that I'm not too sure I'm ready to admit to. Iono, maybe I feel like a failure amidst my other classmates who prolly have had more prolific lives led, unlike me, who has merely been a mother and a wife, nothing short of sorta normal.

So, what was I to say..?

Ok, well…I believe you know me as Toni B****** but not so much the B****** part anymore considering I married Richard K***, popped out 2 kids by the name of Trevor (10) and Jack (9), and have lived in basic obscurity in a little town named Wapella for the last 11 years now. I know there is a large gap between those 11 years and the *gulp* 20 years since graduating LeRoy High School but I'm sure you don't want to know about the party years at Illinois Wesleyan or the lame job I had to pay for it all. Granted there were some highlights from that time but they are memories better left unsaid and unprinted, hardy har har har…The only thing I'm rather steadfast to regret is that I hadn't listened to that nerd in the computer class a little more intently, but instead I fell head over heels in love with him and didn't learn a damn thing that I could have used as an intrigul part of my resume at the age of 38.

While my husband is off doing his "own thing", I typically go about my day doing nothing of importance other than to check the email, Myspace and text messages, pen a few lines of a book that will never be published, kiss boo boo's or referee arguments between 2 precocious boys, shuffle 2 dogs, 2 fish, 2 birds, and a hamster around as I try to find a glimpse of who I used to be. If you haven't guessed it by now, Ms Toni is separated like spoiled milk and I spend my time these days with my children and I'm grateful for having the opportunity to do so as I desperately look for that elusive high paying job with benefits like the thousands of others in this area just so the mortgage and car payment can be met.

Of course, obviously, how could one describe a life as typical when there were no guidelines or courses to prepare us for what lay ahead of us at the age 18. It's all about flying by the seat of our britches and making the best of what we can and hoping for the better as we create the next generation to live in the messes that we made. I can only fathom that my children will have 10x the opportunity as I did and they use it wisely. It seems the youth of today do just that, thinking everything should be handed to them on a silver platter or at least trust fund, college fund or one hella good cell phone/text package. I dearly hope that my children are capable of seeing past this and make a strong foundation as a lifetime of lessons bare down upon them all too quickly.

I know the boys are only 10 and 9 but I can already see that they are no longer the little guys I still see in my mind's eye. I remember the crawling years, teething on my furniture and the first big word coming from my oldest at less than 2 years old when he wanted something from the "Fridgrator". Now a days the words being tossed around would make a nun run in fear as I try my damnedest to get a grip on the next round of puberty and pimples as it rears its ugly head and I have to ask myself "Was I this obnoxious when I was this age?" Well…my mother seems to say that I was but I had a good head on my shoulders, none the less. I wasn't one those that stood on the corner and snuck in a cig between classes or did detention on a regular basis; I turned in my homework on time and actually retained some of what I learned in my years at LHS. Some, I said…some. By the time I was barely 16, I was working for Pete at the Old Bank Inn trying to make some extra cash to take the burden off my mom who, it seems, is the woman I am becoming as each day passes. Doesn't that sound funny? I'm sure at 16 or near, a young adults would be mortified to be accused of being like their parents but since I've gotten passed that "eewww" stage, I find it an honor to be even a shmidge of who she is.

So, yeah…It's been 20 years since graduating LeRoy ans in this questionnaire that was sent to me I'm sure a half a dozen times and I'm sure I some how lost, I was asked to describe my life with in a few lines, curt and to the point, with maybe a little humor thrown in within parenthesis. What are my greatest achievements since, challenges and accomplishments and what could possibly be said to the youth of today that would inspire them were among a smattering of other simple questions that were quite frankly hard for me to answer without revealing all too much of a very private life led for the last 20 years.

How could a person just throw in the tragic loss of a loved one like my brother at the age of 27? Or how can a person casually mention overcoming the worst part of a 3 year battle with Anorexia/Bulimia that almost killed her? They can't. Just like those first 2 sentences, there really isn't anything of importance in my ho-hum life to share in a memory book for a 20th reunion. Oh…I can say the usual was challenging like children and marriage, college and job hunting but that would be butt-numbingly boring. We've all had to deal with it so how do I explain my life without it? Well, I guess…I can't. My life has centered on it, period. I can definitely say, without a shred of doubt, that those challenges were my accomplishments and my failures. During the latter part of those 20 years, I have triumphantly become a cancer survivor and a not-so-single mother of 2 that is desperately trying to overcome some very tough lessons taught yet in retrospect, I am simply nothing short of sorta normal.

So what do I say to the blossoming youth of today? I could say something random like "Don't hang upside down from a tree while wearing a kilt" but that just goes to show you that I still have some immaturity desperately grasping upon the long chin hair of my adulthood. Maybe something like "Please make sure all hands and feet are with in the vehicle at all times and fasten your seatbelt because it's going to be a bumpy ride" would be more appropriate considering we are the vessel that will ultimately take us upon our journey through life. Just remember that we must take care of that vessel most immaculately, otherwise we will never arrive at our destination.

Well, there you have it…in the proverbial nutshell. Nothing exciting to report, nothing important to make the editorial cut, and nothing really to make one reads the fine print. To be honest, these few lines typed upon this page took me more than 2 hours to finish amidst the 3 blue screens of death and restarts, 2 temper tantrums involving your's truly wanting to pitch the flippin' computer out the window, tucking in the boys and taking the dogs out for the umpteenth time. Maybe at my age, 20 year old memories are hard to come by...maybe even harder to comment on. A wise and rusty old fellow once said that the only way to know where you're going is to know where you have been. Maybe he was right. Maybe the key to finding out who I am, is to remember who I was…20 some odd years ago…

So this questionnaire, I guess I'm finished. Let's hope I get an A.

Out of the mouth of babes, vol3

Prepare yourself...

Walking past the little bathroom to grab yet another load of finished laundry to be put away in the boys' room (but to be picked up off the floor in two days still folded and somewhat clean...) I heard this....

I said prepare yourself...


Son 1 behind the door: ...OMG MY PENIS IS GROWING!!!!

Me: *drops basket, holds onto the wall and she doubles over in pain from laughing so hard* HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Cell Etiquette

1) Just because I own a cell phone, it does not mean that it has to be shoved up my ass 24/7. I have the right to lay it down and walk away.

2)If you don't get me and just the voice mail, view it as a sign that I was not in the hallway under the beam with one foot turned left and my head cocked to the right so that I could recieve signal in this Dead Zone I call my house. Deal with it, leave a message and I might just get back with you.

3)If I don't answer my cell phone and you don't quite grasp the concept of voice mail or text, Do NOT keep calling til you have effectively depleted ever single minute I have in my plan before 7pm on a weekday. If you do, I will have the next month's bill sent to you in triplicate.

4)If you own a cell phone, it does not give you the right to yell at me once I have answered. Please refrain from using your Nascar Cell Yell and use your inside voice at lower decibals. Trust me, I can hear you just fine, it's just that I'm not listening. There's a difference, mmkay?

5)If you own a cell phone, and you are not calling me, lower your voice or take your conversation elsewhere. We, as spectators, do not have the ability to give a shit about Aunt Flo or Grandma's flaming yeast infection and thus should not be subjected to it.

6)Please, for the love of all things technical, do not wear your headset when not on the phone. We understand as a whole that you're a big important person er whatever (We're not stupid, we know that you're conferring with your wife because she has absolutely no trust in you since the "Clinton Years" and she has to know where you're at 24/7) ok? That includes multiple items clipped to your belt, ie: Blackberry, Pager, Ipod, etc... It just makes you look like a dork.

7)Give me a break, you're a tween, why in the hell do you HAVE to have a cell phone? Do us all a favor and stop acting like an Emo Gangsta with your $1 a minute pay phone. Be home before the street lights come on, brush your teeth and be in bed by 8:30.

8) The phone has no business sitting next to the Sushi on the table. There is room for a plate, 2 forks, 2 spoons, 2 knives, possibly a lighted candle or two and the bread basket near the napkin. Your phone belongs in either your pocket or your purse or wherever else you hang your hat and coat. You can survive 45 mins without it. This rule also covers when in a public setting such as a movie, concert and/or play.

9) Please refrain from downloading those annoying ringtones that make me go flippin nuts for hours trying to remember the name of the song it ripped off. I have an Ipod, I have a radio, hell I have access to several music sites, I don't have to be reminded what the Top 40 is every time your damn phone rings.

10) What the flip makes you think that at 3:30 in the **** forsaken morning that I would be awake to answer your text? Enough said...
Now as a society, can we grow beyond this?

A Poem of Blogetory Concern

Yes it's practically crystal and perfectly clear
I've not written as much as I did last year
Yet to be honest this year has gone by so fast

Since the boys keep me so busy
And Vertigo keeps me quite dizzy
I've taken my time not to fall on my fool ass

Landmines a plenty
And weed bins to empty
OMFG! The flippin' grass is about hoot high

So off I go
To find a lawnmower to mow
On the days from the chil'ns I do hide

This here first then that needs to be done
And odds are a staggering million to one
I can't help but be busy and/or otherwise detained

Not to mention the fact
I feel so out of whack
Even though the medications keep me rather restrained

Now I could lie about that
Or why I ran over the cat
But honest my excuses are intentionally vague

I've got therapy at 2
And dishes to do
Then avoid reality like the plague

Now I've not forgotten
How people can be so rotten
So it's not like I'm missing too damn much

I've kept myself occupied,
Brain dead and freeze dried
So I'm sure you're incorrect on your hunch.

With too much time on this hand
or was that the other hand
OMG I think I'm going stir crazy...

But one day I'll get back to being Toni
Super Ozzie, the one and only
Yes, to be honest, I'm just a little... lazy

Take care, Good Night