Cell Etiquette

1) Just because I own a cell phone, it does not mean that it has to be shoved up my ass 24/7. I have the right to lay it down and walk away.

2)If you don't get me and just the voice mail, view it as a sign that I was not in the hallway under the beam with one foot turned left and my head cocked to the right so that I could recieve signal in this Dead Zone I call my house. Deal with it, leave a message and I might just get back with you.

3)If I don't answer my cell phone and you don't quite grasp the concept of voice mail or text, Do NOT keep calling til you have effectively depleted ever single minute I have in my plan before 7pm on a weekday. If you do, I will have the next month's bill sent to you in triplicate.

4)If you own a cell phone, it does not give you the right to yell at me once I have answered. Please refrain from using your Nascar Cell Yell and use your inside voice at lower decibals. Trust me, I can hear you just fine, it's just that I'm not listening. There's a difference, mmkay?

5)If you own a cell phone, and you are not calling me, lower your voice or take your conversation elsewhere. We, as spectators, do not have the ability to give a shit about Aunt Flo or Grandma's flaming yeast infection and thus should not be subjected to it.

6)Please, for the love of all things technical, do not wear your headset when not on the phone. We understand as a whole that you're a big important person er whatever (We're not stupid, we know that you're conferring with your wife because she has absolutely no trust in you since the "Clinton Years" and she has to know where you're at 24/7) ok? That includes multiple items clipped to your belt, ie: Blackberry, Pager, Ipod, etc... It just makes you look like a dork.

7)Give me a break, you're a tween, why in the hell do you HAVE to have a cell phone? Do us all a favor and stop acting like an Emo Gangsta with your $1 a minute pay phone. Be home before the street lights come on, brush your teeth and be in bed by 8:30.

8) The phone has no business sitting next to the Sushi on the table. There is room for a plate, 2 forks, 2 spoons, 2 knives, possibly a lighted candle or two and the bread basket near the napkin. Your phone belongs in either your pocket or your purse or wherever else you hang your hat and coat. You can survive 45 mins without it. This rule also covers when in a public setting such as a movie, concert and/or play.

9) Please refrain from downloading those annoying ringtones that make me go flippin nuts for hours trying to remember the name of the song it ripped off. I have an Ipod, I have a radio, hell I have access to several music sites, I don't have to be reminded what the Top 40 is every time your damn phone rings.

10) What the flip makes you think that at 3:30 in the **** forsaken morning that I would be awake to answer your text? Enough said...
Now as a society, can we grow beyond this?