White Trash Babies

Every now and again, we see things that shock the hell out of us. Sometimes it can merely be the folks down the street distilling their own brand of sunshine to a few blocks over where they're changing the tire on the hurse with the one on the house. Precious pictures far better than Kodak moments, these are the ones that should stay out of the family photo album not to mention the memories of people like me who twist and poke fun at the "Odd" people. Not saying I'm cruel, I'm just saying... ok I laugh at old people with less fashion sense than a card board box that have the audacity of going out in public in moo moos and black socks with sandals...and I can't seem to let it go when I see the wash hanging out in the bright of day on clothes line/power lines and they're flapping in all it's glory, with pot holes and racing stripes to boot...and...my jaw drops in amazement when I see Joe Bob and his old lady exit the bar with Jr in tow, not holding a blanket, toy truck or a binky but a converted Budwieser bottle with a nipple on top.

I live in Bum F*kn Nowhere...

If it wasn't for the trailers being neighbored by actual houses, Wapella would be nothing but a glorified trailer court with a zip code. Mind you, the bevvy of portable pleasure palaces was a result of the 6 tornadoes that flattened the town back in 1968 but instead of rebuilding the 100yr old homes, they went for something more attainable to show off their station wagons and horse drawn lawn mowers. Speaking of horse drawn...it was just last year that I saw a horse tied up to a telephone pole over on Main Street just so Cowboy Rodger Dodger could relax in front of a fan at the local bar that was next to another bar owned by none other than a 3rd bar's owners.

Yes, we have 3 bars to a population of 700 and I could prolly guess at the number of that 700 that actually do not have a license to drive whether they never obtained one or had it taken away in a drunken 3wheeler accident. Not joking there. I know its Spring every year when I start to see the lawn mowers drive by on the country road headed straight to the bar. They can't drive since being suspended but Hey! they don't need no stinkin' license to drive a John Deere! AND after existing in this world for 150 plus years, we've finally got a gas station/grocery store to call our own just a couple years ago... Clap your hands folks, I too was estatic. Guess I had better not use such big words because I am sure the eternal towns folk prolly don't understand them and get thrown off if they have to stop and find a dictionary. Course, they can't find it cus it's holding up the door that's holding up the wall, that's holding the barn up...for the last 50 years.

Now I've lived in this town for 12 years. I don't sport a mullet nor do I partake in the 6 beers before dinner ritual. I've never referred to my husband as my old man and if I ever heard him call me his old lady, I'd have jerked a not in his schlong. Am I a snob? Uhhmmm..... Not entirely but lately...I find myself fitting in a bit more every day, like today...

Ok so I'm sitting inside enjoying my favorite past time...the air conditioning. After a while I gazed out the front room window to remind myself that my chores (chores? did I just say chores?) were not done and I was just too lazy to go finish when what did I see?

Please, if you have youths about your person, remove them either by bribary or threat, as this image is quite explicit...

Out in the front of the house, with passers by, old ladies and the neighbors! are my trash cans humping...Now whether this was a sick joke brought to you by none other than the only garbage people with in a 50 mile radius other than burning your specialities in the backyard, or a twisted figment of my imagination, I could NOT help myself. It was prolly both. Did I laugh or was I disgusted?

I laughed my ass off, got the kids to show them the spectacular view, then grabbed my camera phone before they were done in thier private yet public moment and recorded it in Wapella history forever. Yes I know, I did so with urgency. WHY? Well, I was afraid the cans would have moved if I took my time. Shut up! (the way the wind was blowing they really DID look like they were doin' the humpty in my driveway) Was I done? No....

Instead of quickly procuring them privacy, ie the garage door, I proceeded to have the kids to grab the cans from the bathrooms and bring them post hast to me in the garage. Once recieved I...well take a look for yourself.

Yes, my friends, the trash, who had just been procreating in my driveway was now proud parents of twin, white trash babies...What really surprised me was that my son was able to tap into my sick demented mind and did me one better. Seems as if the Old Man tried to "Bag" the Old Lady with the children watching.

Maybe I should rethink that mullet...